31 Oct 2011

Ghostly Tales

On Saturday I went on a ghost walk, partly because I'm interested in the supernatural, partly because it was almost Halloween.. mainly because it was almost Halloween.

It's creepy to learn about the ghostly goings on in your own hometown, but I definitely recommend it. Here are a couple of Nottingham's ghostly tales.. Happy Halloween!



#The cold room

The saddest story on the tour, and perhaps one of the creepiest, was about a room in an abandoned town house. Standing outside the home our guide pointed to a window above the elaborate doorway and told us that this room was haunted, not by anything anyone had seen, but by a feeling of overwhelming sadness. He said the house was once owned by the council, and when workers were forced to work alone in the room they would complain of a cold, sad feeling that would have them bursting into tears for no logical reason.

Eventually the room was closed off, and no-one entered it for a long while, until it was decided the entire building would be redecorated in cheerier tones to boost morale. It didn't work, and the room was still regarded as the saddest room any of the workers had ever entered.

What the decoraters did succeed in doing, however, was to discover an infestation of insects, which lead to calling in a team of experts, who pointed out that there was wood panelling on the walls that would need to be ripped out for them to do their job. Halfway through the job one of the men discovered a hole that had been dug into the wall, and inside it, a perfectly wrapped bundle lovingly tied with a ribbon.

Undoing the ribbon carefully they opened the package, and inside was a tiny mummified baby, which experts believed dated back 700 years to the times of the old home being used as a 'knocking house,' when madams would force their girls to terminate children in fear of them ruining her business.

When the baby was given a respectful burial, the hauntings stopped.




#The bony building

In the city we have an ancient grave yard that is now surrounded by buildings and, as far as I can tell by the age of the headstones, is no longer used.

At the time of the on site offices/houses/shops being erected a group of local builders were employed, and whilst digging the foundations of a new town house they discovered a mass grave, filled with ancient bones, believed to belong to either paupers, or victims of the plague.

Disrespectfully the local men removed the bones and threw them to one side, piling them in a corner and ignoring the fact that they used to belong to real people. Shortly after, the hauntings began. Cold chills ran through the group, the feeling of many an evil presence and malevolent voices were reported, ordering them to leave, to hurt and to kill.

Eventually, the men fled, and refused to return to finish the job. A group of irishmen were employed in their place who decided the best use for the bones was to grind them and use them as concrete.

The bones became a house in the centre of the city, which later became a bank. In the late 80's two young men planned to get what they could on a cold winters night, and broke in. The next morning when the cleaners came the two men were found in the corner of the main room sobbing and muttering.

The bank was in a complete state of disarray after papers had thrown themselves into the air, objects flew across the room and frightening noises were heard. It was as if, the unsuccessful burglers said, the 'very walls had risen against them.'

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A post on my old blog will tell you what a wimp I am, if you want more halloweeny fun.. Click Me

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30 Oct 2011

100 Things That Make Me Happy Part 2

#2 Scary Movies..



..And when I say scary I mean anything with little girl ghosts, men with knives (especially for fingers) and normal people who go a little crazy sometimes.

I don't mean rom coms that make you think the leading couple won't end up together. I also don't mean the Nightmare on Elm Street remake, which made far too many casual references to paedophilia to be worth the £8 I spent on a ticket. Or Paranormal Activity 3, which has destroyed my faith in imaginary friends


#3 My boyfriend

Partly because we have hilarious conversations no-one else would find funny, such as:

(Whilst eating Haribo at the cinema, after he let me have a gummy heart)
Me: Aw babe, you gave me your heart!
Him: And in return, you gave me a fried egg


Also, he's cute and takes nice photos (take a look?)


#4 Nachos



And pretzels. And cheese. And peanut butter chocolate bars..


#5 Reading (I read everything)


#6 A really good cup of tea


I'm a little bit obsessed with tea. You know how much Homer likes Duff? I like tea MORE than that, if tea had a theme park, I'd work there.

Tea is something I started out drinking from my baby bottle and now drink from a cup - usually a white one with big purple polkadots, just to add to the fun. For me, tea is best with milk and two sugars, but it's good however you drink it.. unless you don't have milk. Eugh. Honestly, what is wrong with you? (I'm kidding, I'm sure you're lovely despite your milkless tea)




#7 Being a tourist in London



I recently took a day off work with my boyfriend and travelled to London, and we did EVERYTHING (or at least, as much as you can do in a day on a tube pass) It was my first time in London, unless you count the time I went to the V&A (got dropped off on the doorstep, got picked up on the doorstep) which I don't. It was VERY exciting, hence the capitals.. I really want to live there someday


#8 Jumping in puddles



#9 Fresh Meat


Calm down, its a TV programme. It's about students, and it reminds me of my time at uni. Fantastic.


#10 How pretty the world looks when it snows


Snow can get a little upsetting when you've just done your hair, your mascara isn't waterproof and your umbrella has inexplicably disappeared from your otherwise Mary-Poppins-esque bag. It can also be pretty rubbish when it ices up, and you fall over in public.

But, if you take a step back from all the snowy drama, and just look around you.. snow is beautiful. Snow makes the world glitter, and snow is a really great reason to snuggle up to that guy you've had your eye on

- images found on weheartit.com / source unknown / contact for credit. Final image courtesy of lukemedia.com

29 Oct 2011

Saturday, Saturday

When I was at uni Saturdays were all about sleeping until 3pm, drinking at 4pm and dancing from 11-4 am. Saying that, when I was at uni, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday often went down the same way.

Now that I'm 22, my Saturdays are a little different..

Occasionally I'll go out dancing all night - usually when I'm seeing friends from uni and we all want to prove to ourselves, and each other, that we're not old - but more often than not the start of my weekend is much more relaxed, refined, lazy.

If you asked me right now I'd tell you that for me Saturdays are about...

# Spooning



#A hearty breakfast



#Time with my pets

#Trash TV

#Bubble baths


#Reading



#Eating hot soup at french cafes

# Drinking hot chocolate




#Shopping



#Quality time with the ones I love


Happy weekend! :)
How are you spending your Saturday?



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28 Oct 2011

Shopping For Mortgages In Mental Homes


When I delved into the world of mortgages this year I didn't realise it would be so tricky to find something I liked. Also, as co-owner, something my boyfriend likes. And somewhere the cats won't be terrorised by dogs or child shaped neighbors who think putting a tutu on kitty is a good idea - It's not, she's vicious.

The great search began in May time after I had a "Lets get a mortgage, I totally want to live in Nottingham for ever" brainwave, which ended in June time when I realised that, actually, I don't.

Poor Luke really does put up with a lot from me.

In our shortlived time as potential first time buyers we learnt the following:

- Estate agents will tell you anything to make you buy a house
- Owners will tell you anything to make you buy their house
- Don't trust anyone that is trying to sell you a house

We did see some properties that met our expectations, such as the ground floor flat on the marina with a balcony and a really great living room. But then we also saw some pretty gruesome properties, like the one in a converted mental institution that we suspect still housed a couple of patients.

Just to be clear, when I do finally make a decision about my future location, this is the look I hope to achieve - after all, if home is where the heart is, it's got to be pretty damn inviting:













What do you think?


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The Blogging Break


When you take a break from blogging, it can be difficult to get back into the swing of things - sort of like when you take 'a break' from working (like, say, when no-one wants to employ you) and all of a sudden feel like shouting 'HELLO!' at everyone you pass in the street just for a little human interaction in the daytime, your cat is your closest confidante and youv'e spoken to that wierd unemployable guy you met online so many times that you've started fantasising about what your kids will look like

I used to keep a crazy little blog over at Milk.. 2 Sugars, but after a couple of knockbacks from jobs I wanted, and a stray cat I took a shine to passing away, I kind of stopped blogging because I really didn't feel like there was any reason to

But now I'm back, with a brand new blog and a brand new desperation for my old blogging friends, who have also given up the ghost, to return along with me.. Tickets For Two, this means you!

Hope you like the new stuff :)


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27 Oct 2011

100 Things That Make Me Happy

I have been inspired by Sofias Journal to blog about 100 things that make me happy - so that is what I'm going to do.

Heres number 1...

#1. My Pets



Before we go all judgmental on the cat fanatic here, let me explain that my obsession with animals started with my mum. A wonderful, bat shit mental, lover of a mother who surrounded me with so many animals that I honestly think I grew up in a zoo.


Off the top of my head I think I've had..
  • Five dogs

  • Seven cats

  • Two rabbits

  • Three hamsters

  • Two birds

  • Two ferrets

  • One hundred thousand goldfish

  • One chinchilla

So now we understand where this started I'll move on to tell you that I'm absolutely, 100%, head over heels in love with my two cats - Colbie and Charlie - and my rabbit - Poppy.

Colbie came first and was followed within months by the others.. she is the lord of the manor, but is petrified of Poppy, who has moved indoors for the winter period.

My latest want? A Beagle.


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24 Oct 2011

When My Brood Makes Me Sad

This is a post from my old blog, 'Milk.. Two Sugars.' Originally posted 15/06/2011

As a quick update: Bobbi passed away peacefully in her sleep after 3 weeks of being pampered, and she was very loved. My own cats are still spoilt brats, but we love them anyway.
This week I'm having a cooling off period with my cats.This basically means I am avoiding them in the corridors, averting my eyes when they stare me in the face and screening their calls (a tactic which has lead me to question my decision to give them their own mobile phones)

Now, if you are familiar with my blog and know how obsessed I am with what I have affectionately dubbed my brood you'll know this is slightly out of character (or corridor as I just typed in my bloggy excitement)

Usually when it comes to my numerous animal pals the sky's the limit and the world is their tunafish (I'm pretty sure they don't like oysters - especially the rabbit who has taken a liking to the living room rug) but this week I've had an animal shock which has lead me to reject my babies because I love them too much and because, lets be honest, they're really very spoilt and need to learn how to look after themselves

The shock came by the way of Bobbi, the beautiful underweight stray that wandered into my home, followed me around and purred at me for two days until I fell head over heels in love with her and convinced my boyfriend that we had to keep her.

The conversation basically went like this:

Me: I want to keep her
Him: We can't keep her
Me: But I love her!
Him: Fine.

Anyway, because it was my duty as a cat owner and as someone who enjoys bitching about the vet I popped Bobbi in a cat box this Monday and took her along to see if she was microchipped. She wasn't. I asked if I could take her home and they said that I could.

Happy up until now. Happy up until we agreed to having a vet look her over to make sure everything was OK and were presented with the news that our new child has a tumour the size of a tennis ball and will have to be put to sleep.

I am very sad.

Unfortunately this shock shock horror horror has left me so upset that my own cats don't seem quite so lovely as they did before, they don't seem quite so pretty and I've definitely picked up on the fact that Bobbi was much more grateful for my attention than they are

Lets just say I won't be taking any more strays to the vets, and I'll be spending my evening convincing myself that this is the best thing for Bobbi, and that my own cats really aren't so bad

What an awful start to the week.


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"And Whose This Then?"

This is a post from my old blog, 'Milk.. Two Sugars.' Originally posted 12/06/2011

This week I decided that I wanted a Calico cat, this weekend a stray one wandered into my home which I took to be a sign until I realised she was actually a Tortoiseshell and the only 'sign' was that we are the only people within a 10000 mile radius of our property that will leave our doors open for our cats when it is freezing outside.

Despite my bitter disappointment in the breed of the stray we have taken her in under the stern instruction of my boyfriends "we can't keep her, it wouldn't be fair on the other cats" speech, although I think he'll crack before I do because this morning he cleaned up her 'midnight accident' without complaint and can be heard cooing 'hello gorgeous' whenever she walks past him/looks near him/you get the drift.

Now Bobbi (because I name all my strays) is not the first cat that doesn't belong to us that has wandered into our home and acted like he owns the place. First there was Big Thunder, the bully who drove my own cat out of the home on several occasions before I saw what he was doing and threatened him with the hose pipe, (yes squirting water at an animal is cruel but no-one messes with my brood) then there was Fred, my ginger lodger who on occasion will turn up, chill out in my living room and eat my food but never let me touch him because apparently that is just a step too far, two more that haven't been in enough times to be named properly yet and now of course we have Bobbi (a gender neutral name because we don't know the sex, but spelt with an i because deep down I know she is female)

As a responsible pet owner and as someone who can't afford to feed an extra mouth unless the extra mouth ends up belonging to me I of course have been looking for a vet to visit with my poor Bobbi to check if she has a micro chip so I can take her home. The flaw in this plan of course is that I chose an inconvenient day of the week (Saturday) to stumble across a stray because everyone knows that cats don't get ill/lost/wounded past 12pm on a Saturday afternoon and to open a vets before 9am on a Monday would be a ridiculous concept.

So now I have a skeletal cat drinking milk because she seems to have forgotten how to chew, throwing up on my floor because she seems to have forgotten how to digest and being groomed by my very hand because shes a mess and I can't have a mess in my house without trying to help.

All this was fine and I of course felt like a new school saint until the excitement of having found a Calico on my staircase (this was before Google crushed my dreams) became overwhelming and I text my mum with the news.

Me: We have a stray staying in our house until Monday, shes gorgeous and I've named her Bobbi.
Mum: Now who do you take after? We are so proud.

(why, because I found a cat?)

Me: I'm not a catnapper
Mum: but you are, you're just in denial, you'll come to terms with it soon and realise the cat now belongs to you
Me:Yeah yeah
Mum: We've (my mum and stepfather) just come home, very drunk. love you x

As far as I'm concerned putting a cat in my spare room and feeding her milk so she won't ever leave me is not a catnapping.

It is just being kind.

Right?


(I love Bobbi)


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"Why Is There Toothpaste On Your Face?"

This is a post from my old blog, 'Milk.. Two Sugars.' Originally posted 28/05/2011
Yesterday I woke up feeling like sunshine and Nutella on toast (basically perfect if you throw in a nice chunk of Jude Law) .. and then I rolled over and saw that I'd been sick on my pillow.

It was at that point that the high ended, and even the bottle of Sailor Jerry's that Luke lovingly tucked into bed with me while I lay groaning about how I was going to die/lose my job because I had to go home early with a hangover couldnt cheer me up, partly because I hold the brother of that bottle solely responsible for my near death experience.

A bottle of rum on an empty stomach makes me a poorly little girl.

At 9pm, after being sick approximately 25 times and sleeping approximately 2/3 of the day I managed to keep some pasta down and have since eaten alot of chocolate and only nearly died once. My cat has tried to keep me company by hitting on me, (putting his tongue in my ear, purring while he caresses my neck and bites my cheek) which was of course lovely except I'm not keen on the idea of having raised such an opportunist sexual predator.

Today everything hurts and while I am the first to admit that I brought this on myself by being a complete and utter idiot and thinking there was a pot of gold at the bottom of the bottle rather than the need to clean sick off my mirror, it doesnt stop me taking this opportunity to say that I AM IN PAIN

I particularly hurt in the area that has to deal with the contractions of chucking up, though I'm not sure what the area is called and my boyfriend doesn't seem to be either

Me: Whats this bit called, directly under my boobs? Because that's where it hurts
Him: Your chest?
Me: Well yes but this bit specifically. is it my diaphragm? Or is that a form of birth control?
Him: It's just your chest. Do you want to go to the gym?

I did want to go to the gym, but in my fragile state it didn't seem wise, which has made me sad. To recover from my self pity I decided to hide the signs of alcohol poisoning because my mother really doesn't need to know she raised such an alcoholic lunatic when I go round for dinner tonight.

I started with a face mask, and apparently I can't even do that right because, after washing it off, this happened:

Boyfriend: *whilst staring at the side of my face* What the hell is wrong with you?
Me: What do you mean?
Him: Why is there toothpaste on your face?
Me: Its a face mask
Him:... It looks like toothpaste

I'm a mess.


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Summer Cleaning

This is a post from my old blog, 'Milk.. Two Sugars.' Originally posted 25/05/2011

My apologies for the teeny tiny picture, I can't find the high quality versions and this one is copied straight from my old blog!
Last week I started a new job and joined the gym, this week I drank too much free hot chocolate and discovered my boyfriend is allergic to my face mask after spreading it liberally over his poor little face. Productive, no?

As tonight is my first night off gym-wise since I signed up on Friday I am of course bored, as people who suffer from hyperactivity often are, and also have a huge unhealthy pick and mix of a meal planned which includes loaded potato skins and beef quaesadillas - but I'm getting off topic.

The point I came here to make is that I have decided, after my last beautifully handcrafted post, that I have too much stuff and need to have a Spring/Summer clean. This decision was partially prompted by the disapproving gaze of my boyfriend, the 'you have a problem' comment of my good blog-pal Elaina, and last but not least the fact that my kitten keeps knocking a) a candle holder and b) a mini cooper money box, off the windowsill and dangerously close to my head while I sleep. (My bed being positioned under the windowsill, obviously)

I started last night with my wardrobe, which is now perfectly organised to make dressing in the mornings easier, although I won't hold my breath for how long it will stay that way because it's only a matter of time before I miss wading through my clothing to reach the bedroom door. We all have our little routines don't we?
Tonight I will be tackling the space under my bed, inside my drawers and in the spare bedroom. Maybe I'll even do it in my bridesmaids dress like last night, the rule being that if I find a use for it it doesn't have to go... ;)


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Living With Boy

This is a post from my old blog, 'Milk.. Two Sugars.' Originally posted 22/05/2011

My apologies for the teeny tiny pictures, I can't find the high quality versions and these ones are copied straight from my old blog!
When I moved in with a boy I assumed that we would live in unwedded bliss surrounded by the debris of our lives because hello, if there was an award for untidy I would win every year.

Thanks to pop culture I had alot of reasons to believe this because boys are untidy too, right? That's just how they are, it's in their DNA, the way they were raised etc.. Well whoever made up that bullcrap has obviously never met MY boyfriend, who has the tendency to loom over me with a bottle of polish and a kitchen knife, looking murderous as he says through gritted teeth and crazy eyes:

"So are you going to help me clean this house or what?"

And when I reply "Not right now, I'm blogging/reading/watching Desperate Housewives" things can get a bit ugly.

To set the record straight before you think the worst of me I should probably tell you that I do like things to be clean, but clean and tidy are two different worlds in my books and while the surface underneath my belongings will sparkle like the twinkle in a rappers gold tooth the very same surface will be littered with my belongings.

To prove my point my bedside table currently has on it: A cup of tea from yesterday morning, a Mini Cooper money box, a packet of cards, an unused coaster that says 'I love cats,' a lamp, a teddy bear, an ornament, a mirror, make up and a ladybird box.

His bedside table has: A lamp and a coaster.

This morning he has only once surveyed my environment with pursed lips and a crazy vein trying to burst out of his forehead, and has thankfully moved on to something else before he dared mention it to me because we have run out of teabags, I haven't had caffeine in over 24 hours and I am one bad word away from sacrificing a goat in my garden as an offering to the local Tesco so they deliver me my tea and milk and I dont have to walk for 15 minutes in the pouring rain with a broken umbrella.

Now don't get me wrong, I do try to be tidy, I even go on big tidy binges from time to time where I will spend my whole day neatening things and prettifying my surroundings only to go to the shop and buy something new that my disgruntled lover will refer to as 'clutter.'

Clutter to him is anything that takes up space on a surface, clutter to me is a word not in my dictionary.

While for now there is nothing I can do about my untidy ways lest I have a brain transplant I can share with you a few photos of my beloved clutter, so you can get a feel of the sort of 'crap' (his word not mine) I like to bring into this otherwise peaceful household

After which I will spend an hour or two tidying up after myself for the sake of my relationship.

Enjoy!
I'm quite turned on by everything vintage - I even considered buying a very well used soap dish once because it had the original Fairy Liquid ad printed on it - so when I saw these tins I was more than happy to pay £10 for something I later realised I have no use for. Though the big one makes quite a nice vase...

What do you buy someone that drinks too much tea? A MUG! This is about a fifth of the amount I own. My boyfriend insists we only need one mug each but really, where's the fun in that?

These bad boys are made of sand. SAND! How can you resist that kind of sales pitch? I like to arrange the monkeys around my scented candle in the style of the witches in Macbeth. This amuses me, but no-one else seems to understand why.

The candles were a gift I can't bear to throw away even though they've withered away, though the realistic answer would probably be to buy new candles because I have no intention of getting rid of the dish because I like it. And the jug? This once belonged to my favourite tea shop..

This tea cup sadly has a hole in the bottom so I can't use it to make a brew. The sign is because in my world, everyone has a Home Sweet Home sign.

A gift from my cat to my boyfriend.That next to it is my Slazenger gym bottle, affectionately known as Slaz. (Honestly, I name EVERYTHING)

I can sort of see his point about these ones being clutter, as they have never once had a photograph inside them but still sit proudly on our surfaces.

... The man is called Pedro and is a teatowel holder from Gran Canaria. The doll is from the same place and was once dragged around the house by my littlest cat, despite the fact she was the same size as him and the only place he could get a grip was on her head.

Girls like cushions. I can't really say anything more on this.

At Christmas time I saw this ladybird and wanted it so bad I could have cried, but I resisted and walked away. Last week, 5 months later, I finally caved and went to buy her, that was when I also saw the frog who I wanted more but decided it was best to get both so I had no regrets. They open up so they are sort of useful, I keep hair bobbles in the ladybird and a necklace in the frog.. both items of which are unsafe around the cats if not housed properly.

These little beauties came from a market stall at Christmas time. I got the candle holder because I couldn't afford the vase what with being unemployed at the time. Later in the day I went back for the vase and persuaded my friend he needed one too so I didn't feel so bad about spending money.

What Not To Say To Your Beloved

This is a post from my old blog, 'Milk.. Two Sugars.' Originally posted 21/05/2011
1. "You know if you ever went to prison, they'd love you. You wouldn't last five minutes in there because you're so pretty that everyone would want you to be their bitch, and they'd make you their bitch too because look at you, you're just so cute. That is a compliment by the way, you'd be the next Shawshanks."

2. "I love your back, do you know why I love your back? It's because when I press my face into it like this it molds around it, sort of like Playdoh"

3. "I don't mind your chubby tummy because we go to the gym now so soon it will be gone, and anyway it's nice because its your blubber, I like your blubber"

4. "I didn't put the cap on the toothpaste after I used it because I am toothpaste retarded, but thank you for bringing the cap over to me to prove your point. I've left it on your pillow as a token of my love"

5. "It's your turn to clean the litter tray, I handwashed YOUR cat with MY soap when he poled in smelling like a mens toilet so you can deal with that now. Also, someones had an accident in the kitchen.."

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Unfortunately...

This is a post from my old blog, 'Milk.. Two Sugars.' Originally posted 17/05/2011
.. I seem to have forgotten how to write.

I'm going to try to fix this with a journey of self discovery by reading all of your blogs for inspiration, drinking tea and filling my face with spaghetti bolognaise lovingly prepared at the hand of my boyfriend in the only way he knew how to bribe me into taking over clean-out-the-rabbit-hutch duty

Hopefully I'll be back with something funny or at the very least really wierd and embarrasing to say soon, unless I've lost it forever in which case you can find me outside your local McDonalds begging for ideas. Please say hi if you see me or, you know, throw something at me that I can try to write a story about

Adios Amigos

xXx


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I've Added To The Family Again

This is a post from my old blog, 'Milk.. Two Sugars.' Originally posted 13/05/2011

Update: She is still pretty small. Hurrah!


I bought a bunny rabbit recently.

She looks like this:
Except she's not a cartoon, and her ears are floppy.

The rabbit (Poppy) was bought on an excursion to the pet shop to buy cat food - I left with £150 worth of rabbit stock and have since been looking after a bundle of fluff that frightens my cats.

Delightful.

Also, the label on the cage said 'Giant House Rabbits' but because she was so cute and small I decided she was in fact a Holland Lop.

She is growing very fast...


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".. He licks walls, is that paint all the way dry yet? Because he will lick it, and die."

This is a post from my old blog, 'Milk.. Two Sugars.' Originally posted 11/05/2011
Call me weird, but I love the smell of paint - and, thanks to this sexy fetish, my house is currently a haven of fumes for me as my boyfriend has taken it upon himself to paint our hallway in his week off work.

(That makes him sound manly but as his grandmother is helping, not so much)

A lovely white tone has replaced the garish orange glare chosen by the last tasteless tenants, who also painted the tiny bathroom turquoise, despite the clash with the blue bathroom suite and flooring. I never met them, but I like to think of them as idiots. As in, 'not my fault, the idiots did it.'

Anyway, last night after dinner we were performing the usual dance of 'get the cats in from the back garden before it gets dark because they are idiots and like to sleep in front of peoples back wheels' (on their car, not on the people themselves - our neighborhood is not inhabited by robots despite popular belief) when my boyfriend picked up our youngest and put him in the painted corridor, exclaiming 'he can stay in there.'

He can stay in there? With the paint fumes? Where he will absolutely die of paint fume poisoning or whatever it is that paint fumes do to kill small animals?

What came next was maybe an overreaction, but hey, I can't be held accountable for my actions when the cats are involved. They're my BABIES.

Me: "I'm not putting him in there dear boyfriend, he will die."
Him: "You are an idiot. Why would he die?"
Me: "Because of the paint fumes. Also, he licks walls, is that paint all the way dry yet? Because he will lick it, and die."
Him: "Why would he die from paint fumes?"
Me:"People die from paint fumes"
Him: "What people"
Me: "Children. Children die from paint fumes. He is smaller than a child and will definitely die if we leave him in there"

At this point the conversation was cut short as the oldest cat sauntered in through the back door and dropped down on the sofa, purring loudly and cleaning herself rather inelegantly as I leapt across the room to release the little one from his gas chamber.

He didn't die. Phew.

My boyfriend spent the rest of the evening regarding me as though I had two heads even though I still absolutely insist that paint fumes would have killed my cat had he been subjected to them for longer than the two minutes he was enclosed in our tiny (massive) corridor.

As I am very resourceful, cool, and have time on my hands because only having 3 days left at a job is no motivation to do any work I decided to google my theory and compile some evidence to present to him should this happen again

This is what I found on Yahoo:

Can paint fumes harm a cat?
I just painted the inside of the cupboard that I keep my cat in when I leave the house. I really don't care if it gets paint on its fur, but can the fumes from the paint be harmful?
2 years ago Report Abuse

Lei
Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

You keep your cat in a cupboard? And then you paint it? if you dont see something wrong with this picture you should give your cat to someone who knows how to take care of it
2 years ago

While this didn't answer my question, it did amuse me. What the hell is wrong with this person? Is there something wrong with this person, or am I missing a trick by not having a cat cupboard? Why don't I have a cat cupboard?

I have a cat room but maybe that just won't do.. although actually, as my cats are treated like royals to the point that they can often be found wearing crowns and surfing the web for cheap Corgi's, I think I'd struggle to keep them in a paint fumed cupboard where they have the option to dye their own hair to match their walls..

I'm totally right about those paint fumes




Update: My boyfriends response upon reading this post

Him:
'You're an idiot'
Is my comment on that
Jokes on you as the cat is helping me paint

Me:
haha
what?

Him:
He's sitting on the stairs watching

Me:
oh
I thought you meant you'd dipped him in paint and dragged him along the walls

Him:
The fumes are getting really bad so I'm taking 5 mins

Me:
Oh really?
Why are they so bad?

Him:
No stupid
There's no smell
Not even enough to make a cat sneeze

Well I never.


- images found on weheartit.com / source unknown / contact for credit

The Guest Teabag

This is a post from my old blog, 'Milk.. Two Sugars.' Originally posted 11/02/2011
Growing up I always had friends whose mothers insisted they keep an emergency selection of ‘guest’ products. Gourmet coffee, expensive tea leaves, shortbread biscuits locked away in a tin where tiny hands couldn't reach them just in case, you know, the queen popped in for a cuppa, or something of similar importance.

At my house we had no such tradition. Although I did for a time have a delightful stepfather who would proclaim certain things to be ‘too good for children’ (I’m talking Miss Trunchbull style here folks, throw us in the Chokey dare we touch his supply of steaks and caviar sort of thing) it was, in general, a bit of a free for all when it came to food and drink.

‘It gets bought to be used’ was my dear old mums motto and, as a child who was proud to be treated like an adult, I had to agree.

Now, as a grown woman (haha) of 22 (I don’t actually consider myself to be a grown woman, don’t throw things at me) I decided to try the guest approach to my house, if only to use as an excuse to return to the shops and spend more money.

The problem is, I fear I might have gotten things a bit confused.

You see, I have the coffee, which neither myself or my boyfriend drink so is purely there for guests. I even have a whole bedroom designated to people who happen to find their way into my home looking for a decent night’s sleep (which makes me sound like I’m running a homeless shelter here, doesn’t it?) but when it comes to everything else, it’s just not happening at our house.

I realised this recently when, after my boyfriend kindly got off his behind to brew a cup of tea after I had moaned incessantly for what seemed like a decade, this conversation took place:

Me: “Er, babe. Which teabags did you use?”

Him: “The ones in the holder marked ‘tea’"

Me: “But they’re the guest ones!”

Him: “Look, I’m sure the guests won’t mind.”

Me: “No but I mind”

Him: “And why do you mind?”

Me: “Because these teabags are disgusting, I keep the decent ones in the cupboard so no-one else will use them, I can’t drink this, its vile.”

You see what I mean? I totally missed the boat on that one.

Anyone fancy a cuppa? ;)


- images found on weheartit.com / source unknown / contact for credit

Cake & Infidelity

This is a post from my old blog, 'Milk.. Two Sugars.' Originally posted 31/01/2011
Waking up at 3am to my friends boyfriend screaming he would hit her if she followed him, and running down the stairs while my boyfriends best friend was getting into my place in bed to proclaim “I had sex with her, and he walked in” was not how I imagined my birthday would end.

Although judging by the dramatic twists and turns my life keeps taking, perhaps I should have anticipated something along these lines? It’s like living in Eastenders.

Let me explain.

My 22nd birthday began well. Waking up from a crazy dream to my grinning boyfriend presenting me with cards, presents and a Spongebob Squarepants birthday cake (candles and all) set the tone for a perfect day. The cup of tea he handed me along with a white gold necklace added to the ecstacy, and a shopping trip to buy shoes and dresses had me on the brink of hyperventilation.

Come 5’o’clock I was so exhausted from excitement that I found myself curled in a ball, taking an afternoon nap as though I were a toddler rather than a girl in her twenties, and upon being awoken an hour later spent longer than I should have teasing my hair into curls and modelling my new outfits for the cats as I prepared for an evening my boyfriend had planned, that I knew nothing about. (Dressing took longer than usual, as I find choosing an outfit with no knowledge of its destination to be a somewhat mind boggling task)

Suited and booted we took the bus into town and after a drink in my favourite bar headed back toward our house. What? I thought, was that the surprise? Alas it was not, and halfway home we stopped at a posh restaurant I’ve had my eye on for months and were seated in the most comfortable chairs in the world to an evening of soup, steak and chocolate cake, with a splash of Baileys on ice. (Although the funny little waiter man tried to serve me Baileys and Cola)

That was day one of my celebration. Day two was spent with friends at my home after I had spent the day cleaning. It is in such a state of disrepair as an after effect, that I can now conclude it really wasn’t worth the effort.

The night started at 7pm (that’s right folks, 7pm) and the guests began to arrive at 6. Whatever happened to fashionably late I don’t know but I was forced to do a rush job getting ready and consequently ended up late to my own party and keen to catch up with my already drinking friends.

As happens at all respectful house parties, or social gatherings as it was originally meant to be, a pen and paper, shot glasses and various alcohol were planted in the middle of my floor as we were enticed into a game of lethal weapon ‘Ring of Fire’ before leaving for the local bars.

Rules of ‘drinking buddies’ and screaming ARGH MATEY before every mouthful lest you wanted to be forced into doing shots were enforced and, a broken glass and 4 or 5 bottles of liquor later (at approximately 9:30pm) we stumbled into the city and began dropping off like flies as one by one we became too drunk and had to leave.

The evening from that point onwards is a blur of alcohol, photographs and, well, who the hell knows what else?

The next thing I knew I was clinging hopelessly to my boyfriend begging that we go for food before I ‘collapsed or cried from hunger’ and, after finding the majority of our group, headed toward the cloakroom where we found my friend crying after an argument with her boyfriend.

From there there was much comforting between my friend and my boyfriends friend, an argument with the cloakroom attendant lead by myself when he refused to do his job properly, a meatball sub I devoured in minutes and a taxi driver that tried his very best to convince me I didn’t know where I lived.

I did, though, and finally arrived home safely to collapse immediately in a heap and sleep soundly until the kerfuffle on my stairway had me up and alert, darting around to see what on earth was going on.

What was happening, as I’m sure you assumed, is what I have described at the top of this post.

Needless to say I won’t be throwing any more parties for a VERY long time.


- images found on weheartit.com / source unknown / contact for credit
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