Dear Jobby.. Do you mind if I call you that?
I think it's time you and I sat down for a chat, it's been a long time coming and I think we've both seen the signs - what with my extraordinarily long tea breaks and the way I've prioritised a sale at ASOS over you every time you've requested I update that mega boring spreadsheet - the thing is, Jobby, that I think we need to take a break.
I've enjoyed our cups of tea and the way you've always tried to surround me with nice people, cheers for that, but I think if we're both honest you've never been what I wanted. We were thrown together by some cruel twist of fate when the job I applied for became null and void and you seduced me into believing you were something you're not.
I think it's better we do this now rather than later, so that maybe we will both leave this marriage of sorts with some good memories. I've tried so hard to love you but the fact of the matter is.. you're boring.
Please take this as a warning that I will be actively looking to replace you with a better model, as I say, don't take this to heart, but in this instance when I say that I hate you.. I really do hate you.
You make me cry.
Yours always - or at the very least until someone else will have me,