My New Housemate Has An Awesome Voice, Let's All Listen To Him Sing

25 Oct 2014


I was going to try and write something meaningful to accompany this video, but I love it a little too much to put into words. So instead I'm just going to post it, and run. (By which I mean go for afternoon tea, and go dance to McBusted and the Baywatch theme at Infernos, surrounded by hot hot rugby boys and drunk drunk Australians)

Have a good weekend x

Berlin

22 Oct 2014

things to do in berlin. london lifestyle blogwhat to do in berlin. london lifestyle blogberlin germany lifestyle blogvisiting berlin. london lifestyle blogthings to do in berlin germany. london lifestyle blogberlin germany. london lifestyle blog.things to visit in berlin. london lifestyle blogvisiting berlin.london lifestyle bloghorses in berlin. things to do in berlin. charlotte's web london lifestyle blogThis past weekend, I went to Berlin. Upon stepping off the S9 at Sh√∂nhauser Allee - where I stayed with Chrissie, a university friend who recently took a job at Domino Records (very proud of her for being so f*king awesome) - the first thing I noticed was the overwhelming smell of sweet pastries coming from the shopping centre. The second, that I had forgotten every word of german I ever learned during secondary school language class. Awkward. Luckily, C arrived soon after I'd bumbled my way through ordering a hot chocolate from a cute guy at Balzac Coffee, greeting me with the words, "you have a face like 'Bitch please.'" Some things don't change.

Berlin shaped observations: In Berlin, everyone smokes in bars, and drinks in the street - and not only is that acceptable, it's perfectly legal. English Breakfast tea isn't a thing. Neither is shopping on Sundays (the shops are closed.) Compared to London, the streets are devoid of people - although littered with bikes and puppies. And fashion blogging is kind of a big deal (we saw a girl freezing half to death outside a Cheap Monday sample sale, wearing tiny shorts and accompanied by a clothes rail of equally tiny clothing. In comparison, we were wearing coats and jumpers. And we were still cold.) The graffiti is on a large scale, the people are impatient (an old lady tutted at me when I crossed her path) and the children confused (a tiny blonde child called me Mama.) The most important observation of all? Berlin comes to life at night.

How to make the most of a weekend in Berlin: Stay with a good friend, who wakes you up with scrambled egg, omelette, tea, and muesli with fresh raspberries (though not all at once, obviously.) Visit vintage markets, sample sales, and Urban Outfitters. Go to a rave in an old swimming pool, introduce yourself to absolutely everyone, dance until 8am. Eat cheesecake in an old bus that has been converted into a cafe. Drink hot chocolate. Have meaningful talks about life that put everything into perspective ("If this was an indie movie we'd be making a suicide pact right now" "They don't take you seriously because you look like a 1960's doll" "Animals are better than people.") Swat up on your history by visiting the Berlin Wall and the Holocaust memorial. Watch The Jungle Book in bed. Nap while your friend watches Coraline in bed. Eat everything Kinder. Wear warm clothes.

How you'll know you've had the best time ever: You'll have a little cry when you have to leave.

Berlin, I love you. Let's find a way to stay together forever. 

Next stop: Edinburgh.

A Tartan Seduction

17 Oct 2014

london lifestyle blog. uk lifestyle blog“I seduced a man by unbuttoning his nightdress,” I said in horror to a very amused Sam the night after my last sexual escapade. “I unbuttoned it, and then we slept together. I seduced him. By unbuttoning. His nightdress.”

At this point she lost it to the point of not being able to breathe, while I stared straight ahead in horror, trying to engage my hungover brain long enough to understand a) where my logic had come from, and b) why I had seen fit to persuade my rather broad, Scottish, ginger ex-whatever to put on my size 6 tartan nightie. And why he’d gone along with it.

“I told him he couldn’t sleep next to me if he didn’t put it on, what is wrong with me?”

In case you haven’t picked up on this already, my sexual prowess is unparalleled. Legendary, you might say. The stuff of many a late night story, even –the kind of late night story that, as illustrated above, will always conclude with the words “oh dear lord, what did I do?”

This latest embarrassment occurred around a month ago.

I had been covering a shift at my local pub. It was one of those unfortunate nights pre-refurb, in which the number of staff outweighed the number of customers, which says a lot, as there were only two of us working. We were bored. And when you work with alcohol – and your ex – boredom is the enemy. Boredom leads to Jagermeister shots. It leads to wine. And, in this case at least, it leads to a truly terrible 20 minutes of unbridled lust, that leaves you with the inability to ever look each other in the eye again.

"It was completely my fault," I said to Sam, "It was me that suggested we drink."

And drink we did. It was two hours, six shots, and a drunken rendition of 'Prejudice' later, that I asked that he walk me home. Cue rain soaked kissing (think The Notebook but notably less sexy) yet another pointless conversation about our feelings (everytime we're left alone together) and an invitation to join me upstairs. After a fuss with the cats that lasted far too long for my frustrated, alcohol addled brain to be happy about, he followed me up. And that was when it happened.

That was when, dressed in a Care Bear t-shirt, having just complained that I hadn’t shaved my legs, I handed him a skimpy tartan number, and demanded that he wear it.

That was when I turned on my best charms, and seduced a man by removing a tiny dress, that I'd forced him to wear.

That was when I said goodbye to my last shred of self respect.

And that was when I came to realise why I'm still single.

I think I need to be alone now.

It would be better for everyone if we never spoke of this again.

More moments I wish I could forget include: Being informed - by my half disappointed, half amused housemates - that if I'm trying to hide the fact that I've brought home a bad man, I really shouldn't leave his coat at the bottom of our stairs. Waking up to find that I had left my bedroom door wide open throughout the entire 'event.' And leaving in the morning before he woke, which lead to the following conversation:
Me: I had to go to work, so I left him sleeping
Nicole: Did you leave money on the pillow next to his head?
Me: Why would I do that?
Nicole: Well if you're going to treat the guy like a prostitute, you have to at least thank him for his services.

Kill me now.

Seven Henrietta Street

21 Sep 2014


Whilst sitting backstage at an event I've been working this weekend, I sat and read Kate Spade's 'Things We Love' from cover to cover. I loved it. This video - which is the epitome of girl power - was mentioned, and the quotes below were written in between playlists, and colours, and mini tales about everything, tinged with exquisite nothingness. Kate Spade is now officially my favourite designer. Well, for today, anyway...

A really great word: "Ellipses" comes from the greek élleipsis, meaning "omission" or "falling short."
Something to aspire to: "But he hardly heard a word they said. Any way he looked at her she was perfect."
One to think on (Related: For those of you wondering how the outcome of my last post went down, I reciprocated. It was all very sweet in the moment. And then, a week later, whilst standing in the street looking at me like I'd gone wrong when I showed signs of affection, he took it back. Turns out you can unsay those words.): "If only, I thought, I could talk to Eugene just one more time. This was before I came to understand that you cannot make someone fall in love with you. But here's what you can do. By arguing and pleading and screaming and crying and throwing plates and phoning a lot and bringing hot food and sending flowers and buying gifts and doing unsolicited favors and remembering a birthday and being nice and declaring your abiding love and trying hard or sometimes merely by being present, you can make someone who was hitherto lukewarm really detest you."

So there we have it. Regular updating will recommence in 5,4,3,2,1...

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